Friday, 15 December 2017

Movie Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Directed by Luc Besson, 2017

Pros: amazing special effects, great burlesque dance sequence

Cons: no chemistry between protagonists despite shoehorned romance, actions have no consequences, lots of filler

Be advised, this review contains spoilers for the film.

Major Valerian and his partner Sergeant Laureline are sent to retrieve a stolen creature. Returning it, they are attacked and become embroiled in a mystery regarding a destroyed planet and the after effects of a terrible war.

I wanted to like this movie. In fact, I wanted to love it. But the first scene with Valerian and Laureline, where he tries to pressure her into having sex with him and she refuses - forcefully - several times - simply disgusted me. Because this is a Hollywood film, and I knew that they would end up together at the end. There is no character building scene where they show any tenderness for each other. There is no sharing of future goals or past hurts. There’s no emotional connection between them beyond their partnership. She explains at the beginning why she’s not interested in him: his ‘playlist’ of conquests and his obvious lack of interest in a woman once he’s ‘won her heart’. And nowhere does the film convince me that his desire for Laureline won’t end after they finally have sex. Yes, as the film goes on Laureline screams his name a lot, when she thinks he might be dead and when she needs rescue. But Valerian has more chemistry and connection with Bubble than he does with Laureline, even at the end of the film. And his sudden desire to marry her to prove he’s willing to commit makes no sense, especially when you realize he doesn’t even know what the marriage vows are.

The special effects were amazing. The creatures look great, the settings were cool. I didn’t understand how the space station worked having so many specialized living areas (water world, alien gas world, human gas world). Valerian damages quite a few areas of the station while chasing the Pearls (both in his suit and in his ships) but nothing seems to come of it, despite the fact that at least one area of the water world is left flooding another, non water filled section. 

In fact, there’s a weird lack of consequences for actions. Valerian sneaks into an alien section and proceeds to murder their emperor and several of his guards. No one cares. During the opening mission Valerian and Laureline simply abandon the men in the bus they were working with. No one cares that the entire crew dies. Both characters constantly refuse to follow orders (which makes Valerian’s comment at the end of the film that he’s a soldier first rather laughable). 

A lot of the middle of the film felt like filler designed to showcase the aliens and station. Considering they knew Valerian’s position when he crashed, I don’t understand why Laureline needed to find a psychic jellyfish to pinpoint him. While the burlesque dance by Bubble (played by Rihanna) was phenomenal (the costume and make-up changes were brilliantly done) the scene itself did nothing to advance the plot (except, perhaps, to show again that Valerian isn’t ready to commit the way he’s trying to convince Laureline he is). I don’t know how Valerian knew the butterflies were lures, considering he was passed out before Laureline showed up and just as new to the station as she was. And while I’m talking about that scene, what happened to her gun? How did she get captured so easily? And why was Bubble trying to protect her later when Laureline, not Bubble, was the one with combat training and experience? 

I’m frankly astonished at how far the Pearls have come. In 30 years they learned about space travel, ended up on a crashed shuttle, figured out how to fly it, landed on Alpha, figured out how to build their own spaceships, forgiven the commander (despite the fact that he’s still capturing and torturing their people), etc. Hard to believe, really.

Valerian makes several weird reversals when dealing with the Pearls at the end. He punches his commanding officer, tells them he’s going to make things right as he hands over the pearl, then he tries to stop Laureline from returning the converter (despite that being what would make things right). He argues that his oath of allegience means he can’t hand over government property. He also says he’s a soldier who plays by the rules. This is the same man who just punched his commanding officer and refused several direct orders throughout the movie? I’d also disagree with Laureline’s assertion that his refusal to go against his conscience means he doesn’t understand love. Oh, he doesn’t understand love, but that’s not the reason why. I’d even go so far as to say that Laureline’s the one who doesn’t understand love here. Because she wants him to change for her. You can’t force that kind of change. And if you try to force it, then you’re the one who doesn’t feel love.

I was left with a lot of questions: How did the Pearl mini ships work? And why were they building a giant ship when they had a big attack ship that could split off into mini ships? Since the opening montage showed that everyone in the universe is friendly, who was Earth fighting when Mul was destroyed? How did the humans get the Mul converter originally? They destroyed the planet and didn’t know it was inhabited. Did the writers realize that by saying Alpha station was 7 million miles from Earth it was just reaching Saturn? Doesn’t seem that far for 400 years worth of travel. Why send Alpha station away at all? Why not just push it into a higher, more stable orbit? Sending it away is a real waste of resources. If Bubble was a kind of liquid jelly being, why did she turn to dust when she died? 


I really wanted to like this movie but it was kind of a mess. It’s pretty to look at, but not much else.

Thursday, 14 December 2017

Video: The Star Wars Concept Trailer

Some graduating students at The DAVE (Digital Animation & Visual Effects) School, have made a concept trailer based on Steve McQuarrie's original concept art for Star Wars. I knew that Luke's last name was originally Starkiller, I didn't know her first name was originally Luka.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away... we might have seen a version of Star Wars that featured a Han Solo with green skin and gills, Stormtroopers with lightsabers, and a female heroine named Luka Starkiller.
Many of these anomalies can be seen in concept artist, Ralph McQuarrie's early illustrations of the Star Wars universe. While looking back at these early paintings we can't help but wonder what Star Wars would have been like had it remained loyal to the concept art and early drafts of the script.

The Star Wars: Concept Trailer from The DAVE School on Vimeo.

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Botnik Studios: Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash

Botnik Studios announced on twitter that it has "used predictive keyboards trained on all seven books to ghostwrite this spellbinding new Harry Potter chapter". According to Nat Towsen a writer/editor at Botnik Studios, "It's not automated! We have a team of writers who all use the Botnik predictive text keyboard. We trained keyboards on all 7 books and had a big writing jam. Then I took the best pieces of copy, arranged them into a narrative, and wrote some copy to fill in the gaps."

It's quite short and incredibly bizarre, but Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash is also probably the funniest thing you'll read today.






Tuesday, 12 December 2017

Novella Review: Prime Meridian by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

Pros: interesting story, good character development

Cons: limited description

Amelia dreams of heading to Mars, but she can’t afford the flight and doesn’t want to be an indentured servant, so she continues to eek out an existence in Mexico City, making ends meet by doing occasional jobs as a paid friend.

This is a novella funded by an IndieGoGo campaign, which I supported.

Amelia isn’t the most likeable character, as evidenced by her limited Friendrr clientele, but she is an honest one. A string of bad luck left her somewhat bitter and depressed as her dreams become harder and harder to achieve. As the story progresses she both becomes a better friend and person in some ways while also making bad decisions that could land her in an even worse position. By the end of the story, seeing her deal with difficult circumstances, I really liked her.


It is fairly short and while I’d have enjoyed more description the story works very well as is. It’s interesting hearing about life in Mexico City. The story doesn’t say what year this takes place, though given the dates that are mentioned it can’t be too far into the future.  

It’s a quick read if you’re looking for something a little different.

Friday, 8 December 2017

Movie Review: Final Destination

Directed by James Wong, 2000

Pros: decent acting, interesting premise, minimal gore

Cons: some melodramatic scenes

After boarding a plane for their school trip to Paris, one student has a horrible premonition that the plane is going to blow up. He and six other people are kicked off the flight only to watch the plane explode. One by one, the survivors start dying in bizarrely convoluted ways.

While the opening scenes are fairly melodramatic - focusing on normal things and making them seem spooky - the rest of the film is quite good. The acting was pretty good and I was impressed at how little gore there was.

I knew the basic premise going in but still found it interesting. The creepiest part of the film was wondering which of the random things the camera focused on would actually cause the killing blow. 


This is not a film to watch if you’re scared of flying, but otherwise it was a fun time waster.


Thursday, 7 December 2017

Shout-Out: Version Control by Dexter Palmer

Although Rebecca Wright has pieced her life back together after a major tragedy, she can’t shake a sense that the world around her feels off-kilter. Meanwhile, her husband’s dedication to his invention, “the causality violation device” (which he would greatly prefer you not call a time machine) has effectively stalled his career—but he may be closer to success than either of them can possibly imagine. Emotionally powerful and wickedly intelligent, Version Control is a stunningly prescient novel about the effects of science and technology on our lives, our friendships, and our sense of self that will alter the way you see the future—and the present.

Wednesday, 6 December 2017

Video: Ancient Egyptian Clap Bow Mouse Trap

A friend of mine posted this video to facebook and I thought it was worth sharing here. I've seen fantasy book where cats are used to keep rodent populations down, but I don't think I've ever seen one mention actual mouse traps. Shawn Woods has made this Egyptian clap bow trap out of wood and twine. If you're squeamish, stop watching around the 4 minute mark as he does use the trap to kill a mouse. The opening explains how to make the trap and how it works.